As wrong as she’d started to think she was for him.. she couldn’t deny feeling better once the decision seemed to leave her hands. It frustrated her a little that she’d started to go back on what she’d said because she knew walking away would be better for him. But at the same time… she didn’t like when he tried to tell her he wasn’t good for her. That she’d be better off without him and all that. Ruby hated it so she wasn’t sure how she’d gotten it in her head that it’d be a good idea to do to him. Making decisions like that for someone else was a little unfair or so she’d thought… until her head became messy but the answer became clear. That she wasn’t the one for him… only made things worse but it was hard to think that way now. When she’d started to rethink the whole thing because it should be Charlie’s choice, right? Just like it should be hers. The problem was she still worried she was making excuses because she was selfish and wanted to be with him. He reminded her what it was like to be happy.. to be herself. He didn’t make her feel like an awkward freak when she got flustered and stammered through sentences. He made her feel… better than she was. The way he looked at her.. it amazed her anyone could see her that way. Ruby just didn’t understand what he saw in her and she knew it wasn’t her youth. A lot of people in Baberton might not believe it but things between them went so much deeper. She thought they saw beyond those kinds of things to what was underneath. Had a real connection.. the kind that was clearly difficult to try and sever. Or maybe as usual she just hadn’t really wanted to. Deep down. She loved him too much and she didn’t know how to change that. She’d be lying if she wasn’t still a little worried something could happen and she’d trigger him but still.
She wanted to stop worrying so much.. if only it were that easy. She liked seeing his smile, even as barely there as it was. Did that mean he liked what she’d said? Ruby looked at him as he spoke, letting him pull her more towards him and smiled slightly when he said he thought it was a very good idea. It made her feel better than she had in a while but what if she was wrong? What if it was a terrible idea and she was being selfish by not looking out for him? No.. she’d been right. She didn’t want him to make decisions for her when it came to that.. and she couldn’t do that for him because it’d just be wrong. The kiss took her by surprise but it probably shouldn’t have. Ruby leaned into it, letting her fingers play with his hair for a moment as all her doubts fell away. She wanted to focus on the part where this could work.. where maybe she wasn’t as bad for him as she thought. It wasn’t the easiest thing do but still.. it helped when half of her was distracted by his lips. When he pulled back she turned her gaze to him, wondering the same thing. Not that she really had an answer for that but.. how did they always end up there? “Wish I knew..” She murmured, looking down for a second.
Charlie knew it made sense. That making decisions like that for someone else wasn’t right… but still. He couldn’t shake the feeling he was so completely bad for her and he wished that he could because he didn’t like feeling that way. Charlie wanted to feel like he was doing her good instead of just hurting her all the time. Making her life much more complicated than it needed to be. She’d made the choice to be with him, sure, but it didn’t matter. Being with him brought her unwanted attention, it caused problems with her family and maybe some of her friends, he didn’t know and it was possible. It’s not like people liked the whole age thing despite the fact it wasn’t their business. People called her names, which he was still fairly surprised about but maybe he shouldn’t have been. The world (and people) worked in a stupid way half the time. Being with him didn’t seem good for her when he kept snapping at her and using her to hurt himself in a sense. It was unfair to her and, though that last time had been the worst, it didn’t take away from the fact he’d done similar things before. It didn’t matter to him that the circumstances had been wildly different. Charlie didn’t like hurting Ruby and he’d told himself plenty of times he’d never do anything like that again, use something against her, but he had. In the moment, he hadn’t even really been aware why, he’d just reacted and lashed out. The fact she seemed to understand why made him feel both better and worse. Better because he’d wanted to make her understand, know that he wasn’t just cruel to be cruel. Worse because it felt like she shouldn’t understand.. shouldn’t come anywhere close to forgiving him.
He smiled slightly, watching her look down. He felt a bit sad still because they did always end up here. Somewhere similar. Was it supposed to be some big sign that they weren’t as compatible as he’d always thought? He wasn’t sure if he believed in signs and that sort of thing so he hoped not. Charlie was bad for her and he hated how true that was. ”I want to make it all up to you…” He murmured because this was all his fault and he’d probably never forgive himself for any of it even if she ever managed to. He wondered if it was even possible to make up for it. Charlie hated being horrible.. except that’s what he was. Horrible. Bad. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, trying to get out of his mind, gently touching the back of her head again. He didn’t just mean physically, though, he meant her head. He suspected it had been a mess and he couldn’t imagine she was just… better. She hadn’t even gone to sleep, he realised. He was still very worried about finding her in the alley like that and he was itching to ask why she’d ever thought that had been a good idea but he didn’t think she’d want to talk about it a whole lot so he was unsure. “If I ask you to promise me something, will you do it?” He asked, knowing he didn’t have much of a right to ask her to promise him anything but this felt too important not to ask again.
Ruby believed what she was saying. She didn’t get how he didn’t see it and maybe he felt the same. It’s not like she really believed him the times he said he was bad for her. Now.. she didn’t really know what to think in a way. Charlie was good.. she still believed that but the cruel part of him.. well she wasn’t looking forward to seeing it again. Ruby knew people fought, got mad at each.. had arguments and all that. It was normal but that hadn’t been anything like that. It’s been much more as far as she could tell so she didn’t think it was just a normal thing that sometimes happened in relationships or anything. But that didn’t mean they had to be over. At one point before she’d understood how it all came about she’d have said differently but now.. she got it. The problem was in getting the reason she’d also figured out how wrong for him she was. Not in just the way people thought with their age difference and all that. It was different and ugh. She still couldn’t figure out if she’d really done the right thing and she was just fooling herself when she started to think maybe she hadn’t. That they could be good for each other.. that if he talked to someone and some of the things were worked on that she might not be a trigger again. But what if that was just wishful thinking? Another example of her selfish stupidity? It seemed entirely possible but she didn’t want it to be. Ruby missed him so much and it’d only been eight days which somehow felt so much longer. She guessed it wasn’t the length of time so much as how far away he felt. Of course he was considering they’d been broken up. All contact between them had ceased. Not that there’d been much of that to begin with the way things had been.
Ruby had been so mixed up.. her feelings overwhelming but then they were now too. Her head was a mess and she wished they hadn’t stopped kissing. It’d help clear it all a bit but she knew it was just making it worse in the long run. It was just.. so much easier to focus on the now and pretend everything else that came later didn’t matter. That it wouldn’t hurt.. even if it had already started to. Ruby knew he didn’t want to hear her say she wasn’t right for him. He thought she was good for him but that made zero sense. Even if they chose to leave out everything that’d happened at the flat and pub.. what about the fact that people treated him badly because of her. Or the fact that the times he’d almost or had gotten into an altercation it’d been because of her. Those things alone should go to show she didn’t make his life better.. even if he thought she made him better. Maybe what he really meant was that she made him feel better. It was possible but was that enough to outweigh the bad? He thought they could? Ruby nearly smiled at that but then he was saying how he didn’t think he was healthy for her. Right. She couldn’t help laughing slightly. “I want to say you should let me decide that but..” She shook her head. “Clearly I’ve done that for you so..” Ruby let her fingertips brush against his cheek. “Maybe we should just.. let ourselves be the one to choose what’s right..” Instead of trying to do it for each other. Did that even make sense?
Charlie didn’t want to get his hopes up or anything but it was difficult not to. Which is what he’d been afraid of, he supposed, but… she hadn’t pushed herself away from him yet. She hadn’t really protested against anything that he was saying. So, yes, he was beginning to feel that glimmer of hope somewhere inside him again. It was frustrating because he could end up getting knocked down again and feel… absolutely terrible. Or he could end up getting exactly what he wanted and end up feeling a hell of a lot better. Happier. Charlie wanted to feel that again. As bad as he usually felt, Ruby always made him happier. He hadn’t always had to be around her to feel happy or better or whatever… he’d just had to be safe in the knowledge that she loved him, that she was his girlfriend, that he was incredibly lucky despite everything… that he could count on her to be there. Ruby hadn’t been there lately and of course he understood why, he’d screwed everything up just like he’d known he would, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t hard. It was just twice as hard when he had to also live with the knowledge that he was the cause of everything. That he was the reason he’d lost the one person who actually liked being around him. Who actually wanted to be near him because even Sophie was avoiding him at the moment. Though he suspected that had more to do with him pestering her about her eating habits than it did anything else. She was acting out to keep him away and he wanted to help but he didn’t know what to do. Charlie wished he could talk to Ruby about it. Maybe she’d be okay with it and it’s not like he thought she’d tell but… it felt like strange territory and he wasn’t sure how to. Not that right now was the right time or anything but he meant generally.
Charlie watched her as she spoke, wondering if he was hearing correctly or if he was misunderstanding what she was saying to him. He smiled slightly when he felt her touch against his face. “You know what? I…” He said, shifting under her slightly and pulling her closer, amused when he felt her hair swing forward slightly and touch his face as he searched her expression for something. He didn’t always know what he was looking for but figured he would when he found it. “Think that’s a very good idea.” He concluded, one corner of his mouth pulling up into a smile as he closed the space between their lips again and kissed her. So… was he right to be hopeful then? Charlie was still in two minds because he was almost certain he was absolutely no good for her. On the other hand, he really wanted to be good for her and he wanted to prove things could be good. They could get back on track and they could work.. really work. Not just in the short term. He didn’t want to have these doubts because he knew that if anything was going to ruin things for real then it would be doubts but… it was hard and he knew it wouldn’t happen overnight. But he’d try. If she really wanted him to. Charlie pulled back slightly and realised he was still smiling slightly. He shook his head a little and touched her face, brushing his thumb over her cheek. “How do we always end up here, hmm?” He didn’t expect her to have an answer, he was more thinking out loud.
Our Song | Matchbox Twenty
He let go of her arm slowly, glancing away because she looked so sad that he couldn’t even bear to look at her for very long. He felt cruel. He had been cruel. “I’m sorry… about today.” He finally whispered, shaking his head. “It’s not on. It won’t happen again.” Charlie realised how tired he was. All that frustration and anger wasn’t good for anyone, all the confusion… it all took a toll and he just wanted to make everything stop. He swallowed, lifting his gaze again. He wanted to ask her why she didn’t want to be with him anymore, what had changed… but he couldn’t get the words out, couldn’t bring himself to ask. Maybe he was afraid of the answer.
"You're making it very hard for me to leave, you know that?"
Ruby didn’t even really know what she was doing. Or.. she did but why she was letting herself do these things when she knew she shouldn’t. It was selfish to keep dragging him back into all of this when she knew he was better off far away from it. Ruby didn’t like being selfish.. not that she thought anyone did but still. She’d had a lot of practice being that way and she hated it.. hated herself for it so she shouldn’t have been kissing him. Shouldn’t be in his lap. Shouldn’t even let herself want to be. It was stupid. She shouldn’t have admitted to not wanting things to be this way.. it’d be easier if he believed she did. Or.. maybe not easier but it wouldn’t help anything for her to go back on what she’d said. To tell him she didn’t want it to be true.. didn’t want to have to let him go when she knew that she should. She just.. needed to get it through her head and it was so hard when he was there. Her head was messy and she still felt exhausted.. not that she thought she could blame it all on that. It’d be nice if she could.. just a lapse in judgement because she was too tired to properly think. Except.. it didn’t feel like a lapse in judgement.. it was.. ugh. She didn’t want to think about it or the fact that he said they didn’t have to be. They did. He got that, didn’t he? That she wasn’t right for him.. or well, he probably didn’t but he should. He should see it. Especially after today.. seeing what she was like in the alley.. bringing her back there. All of it. She was a wreck and nobody should have to deal with that.
She didn’t want to be a burden to anyone and yet she’d called him. It’s what drove her crazy.. wanting to handle things on her own and then calling him completely contradicted that. Sure she’d gone there before without involving him but.. still. She’d gone over and saw him.. used him in a way because kissing her had made it easier to get rid of all the horrible thoughts in her head. All the images. But she’d gone through it alone… the way she should of this time if she hadn’t been so pathetic. His words made her heart feel like it’d stopped as silly as that might have sounded and she found she’d lost her voice. She couldn’t say anything as told her he wanted her.. that.. wait. Why was he saying he was selfish? That he wasn’t the one she should be with.. ugh.. it was the other way around. She watched him, not sure how to start speaking as he said he wanted to be. All of it felt like it was going to break her heart because she wanted to be with him. She did.. she just didn’t want to be selfish when she knew it was better for him if she wasn’t. She didn’t want to make him feel bad.. didn’t want to remind him of someone he hated or make him want to lash out because of it. She just.. didn’t want that and as hard as it was to admit she didn’t want to have to worry that she’d come to the flat and.. he wouldn’t be Charlie. He’d be that cruel person that just wanted to use everything he knew against her. But.. she didn’t know how to explain any of that. “Do.. you think it’d work?” She looked down at her hands, wishing she knew how to put it a better way. “I mean.. even though.. I’m not good for you? I just feel selfish..”
He hated the way this felt. Ruby was right there in front of him, he was touching her, and she still sort of felt like she could be a million miles away. His words might not mean a thing. He doubted that he was going to be able to change her mind, he hadn’t been able to before. It (for lack of a better word) sucked. Charlie loved Ruby too much to just forget her and he knew it was selfish of him to say all these things to her but he couldn’t seem to help himself. It hadn’t gotten easier and, sure, it had only been eight days but still. He didn’t think he could handle the amount of time it was clearly going to take to get over her. And he didn’t want to. Charlie didn’t want to let her, or his memories of her, fade away. When she spoke, he opened his eyes and watched her. She wasn’t looking at him and he could hardly think straight as she asked if he thought it would work. Did that mean she was thinking about it? She wanted it to? He was confused and he didn’t like the feeling. Not that he hadn’t sort of gotten used to it by now. Did he think it’d work? He wasn’t sure what to say. Charlie liked to think it could. Liked to think they could make it work. He could fix, change, or whatever that part of him that’d snapped, he was sure he could… but he didn’t know if she’d believe him. Maybe she’d always be scared and he didn’t want that. Charlie had meant it when he’d promised he’d talk to someone, he’d do it regardless of whether she was with him or not but.. it would probably feel a little less worth it if that was the case. Not that he wouldn’t also be doing it for him but still.
Charlie frowned as he listened to Ruby finish talking, shaking his head slightly even though she was looking down. “I wish you’d stop saying that.” He sighed softly, unsure how he was supposed to make her see she was wrong. Even if she didn’t really change her mind about being with him, he didn’t like her thinking she wasn’t good for him. He didn’t believe it, even though he’d gone off on her like he had. He didn’t think that meant she was bad for him. It meant he was bad for her. Charlie really believed it was the other way around and hated her thinking otherwise. It was just one more thing to make her feel bad. “You are good for me.” He stated. As if it was the most obvious thing in the world.. but to Charlie it was. The way she made him feel was proof enough of that in his opinion. “You make me better.” Maybe she wouldn’t believe that considering she was under the impression she triggered him. It had been the time of year and the bottle in her hand.. bad combination and, sure, maybe it had a little something to do with the old memories of her drinking and her unhappiness being stirred up because of where his head was… but she made him feel a hundred times better just by being in the room. Made him see himself differently. Made him happy. She wasn’t bad for him. “I think we could do it.. but.. is that stupid?” He was the one who was no good for her and he knew it. “I don’t know if I’m really.. healthy for you.”
Ruby was glad to be rid of all her thoughts, they’d been weighing her down and it felt better without them. She knew they wouldn’t stay gone for long.. her mind was always too busy racing for that but still. She wanted to just focus on kissing him, in a way it was like she was comitting it to memory. Not that she really needed to.. she remembered what kissing him was like. Had remembered too clearly how being close to him made her feel. If anything she wished she could forget all those things.. forget everything because it’d make doing the right thing so much easier. Maybe that was the point.. maybe doing the right thing wasn’t meant to be easy. It was just.. how did she let go? Ruby told herself she would.. that she was but it never felt like it. It was like there was always a part of her still holding onto hope that things could change.. that she could be different. Or he could. That.. they’d work out. But that was stupid when she knew she wasn’t the right person for him. She was too.. damaged and that’d shown through. Ruby wasn’t the right person for anyone.. or she didn’t think so. Not when she couldn’t even be normal. Couldn’t even do anything without having a meltdown. Not that she thought a relationship should solely be based on that or anything.. it was just everything that came along with her issues. It all had an impact and it was hard to let herself be happy when she was so unhappy with those things.. those things were her.. but ugh. It was all confusing and made her head hurt again.
It didn’t take much effort to figure out what he wanted when and she moved onto his lap, kissing him a little harder. She didn’t want to stop kissing him because she was certain all the thoughts would come back. She’d remember all the reasons they weren’t meant to be doing this… the reasons he should be moving on and finding someone who was better for him. She didn’t really want to think about that as it still bothered her which she found kind of strange. Ruby supposed it made sense but.. it was just weird that she’d spent so much time with him when he wasn’t only with her for her to feel bothered by the thought of him with someone else. It’s something she’d had to get used to from the very beginning but.. things just felt different now. Or maybe it was different when she’d known she was the horrible one.. the one that shouldn’t have been with him at all. She didn’t know how long they’d been kissing before he pulled back but she felt disappointed which was stupid. It took her a moment to realize what he was looking at and then remembered the necklace. She’d just gotten so used to wearing it that she often forget it was there. Why was he looking at it like that? She thought about asking but then he was speaking and she didn’t get the chance. Right. Ruby felt her stomach sink but didn’t know why. It was the truth.. she’d known she was just making everything harder.. more complicated. So.. it’d feel worse but.. she still wanted to kiss him. It was too confusing. “I..” She bit her lip and looked down. “Probably.. I just..” She shook her head. “I don’t want things to be like this..” But they had to be.. he got that, right? Or.. maybe he didn’t. It wasn’t like he’d exactly agreed with her but still.
Charlie knew that he was going to feel a whole lot worse than he had before tomorrow. After going back even for a brief time. After kissing her again, holding her… hearing her say she’d missed him and everything else. Seeing her so shaken from the alley and he’d want to help her, make sure she was okay, and… he wouldn’t really be able to. He couldn’t keep popping back up into her life because it wasn’t his place. She wasn’t his girlfriend anymore. A thought that made him feel really unhappy. He didn’t feel like he understood why it was like this - or why she thought it had to be like this. Her thoughts didn’t match up with his view of the truth. Charlie was the one who wasn’t right for Ruby. He hurt her. He’d probably messed with her head from the moment he’d met her. Unintentional or not, he’d been in the wrong. Sixteen was too young, he should have left her alone right from the start… and again when she was eighteen. Charlie still had many conflicting feelings about all of that in his head and it was hard to process it all sometimes, figure it out… because he always forgot her age. She seemed older to him.. it didn’t factor in when they were together, he didn’t think of her in terms of her age. He was aware because he knew people were talking but it sometimes threw him when he remembered properly. He tried to focus, realising his thoughts had taken a tangent, but couldn’t think properly. He didn’t know what he was thinking, what he felt, what he should do. Everything was a mess but at least he could feel it. Charlie had almost forgotten he could feel so much at once. He looked at her as she tried to answer. He didn’t really need an answer.. the stops and starts in her sentence were confirmation enough and he sighed softly. He didn’t want it to feel worse, he wanted to feel better. She always used to make him feel better. Why did he have to feel both right now?
”They don’t… have to be.” He said but then glanced away to the right because he didn’t want to look at her face as she took that in. It’d probably just show that she thought they did have to be like this. He hated it.. that she thought that way and he supposed in a way he thought that too. But only because it was best for her. To be rid of him for good. As soon as she got… this out of her system then she’d be fine and he knew that he shouldn’t be selfish and try and draw her back in. He was nothing but horrible to her… okay, not technically true, but still. The bad in him outweighed the good, how was that something she should put up with? It wasn’t. She must see that by now, surely. Secretly, Charlie hoped that she didn’t. He liked the way she’d always seen him. As good and everything else. It had made him feel good. “I want this.” He said suddenly, completely without meaning to and thought about backtracking and trying to wriggle out of it because it wasn’t appropriate… but seemed to change his mind as he continued talking. “I want you.” It was things she probably already knew but he didn’t care, he wanted to say them. Maybe it would be the last time and he wanted her to know exactly how he felt even if it would be embarrassing to have someone know how much you wanted them when they were moving on… which she would do eventually and that thought made him want to tighten his grip on her and never let go. “I know I shouldn’t be so selfish and I’m not who you should be with but I just…” He sighed and leaned his head back against the couch, closing his eyes and focused on his fingers, drifting across her back. “I want to be.”
Look in the mirror. She almost laughed at that. It was basically what she’d been thinking before. That she’d been his secret.. maybe some might even say his dirty little secret. Those people would probably also use words like mistress. Ugh. She hated that word and hadn’t ever really thought to use it to describe herself. Ruby wasn’t stupid and knew she’d technically been one. That it could apply to her but.. it just sounded so wrong. Made what they had together seem dirty. Ruby had much preferred to not label it. What they’d done was wrong.. she knew that but it hadn’t felt like it. Just like being with him now felt right… she still felt like they fit. Worked. How that was possible she still wasn’t sure but somehow they did. Or had. It was difficult to think of their relationship in the past tense but.. they were over. Right? Kissing didn’t change that.. admitting to missing each other.. and all that didn’t make a difference. Did it? Ruby wanted it to but at the same time she still had that nagging thought she’d been right to walk away. That she wasn’t the right person for him because she didn’t make him better. She didn’t help him. She just.. brought things out in him that weren’t good. Not that she thought it was her fault exactly. Ruby wasn’t blaming herself… it was just.. she couldn’t deny it was something about her. Maybe it wasn’t her fault but that didn’t change the fact that it wouldn’t have happened if it were anyone else. Not the same way. Or at least she didn’t think so. She didn’t want to think about any of that. She wanted to stop worrying about what’d happen next.
Ruby forced all those thoughts away as she kissed him. It was easy to lose herself in it, pressing closer even as he was pulling her against him. She didn’t know how to explain everything she was feeling but she didn’t want this to stop. She didn’t want to go back to wondering if she was doing the right thing. If all the pain was worth it. Everything they’d been saying made things confusing. Part of her wanted to ask Charlie what he thought. What he wanted. If he really had figured out she was right by now. She let her hands rest near his shoulders, her fingers brushing against his neck as she kissed him harder. She couldn’t keep the thoughts at bay forever but kissing him proved distracting as always. She didn’t want to stop but she didn’t protest when he pulled back. She was afraid he’d finally come to his sense as he started talking. Her first thought was to apologize but she figured he’d just say something against it if she did. Ruby always felt like she should apologize… it’d been her decision to end things. Her reasons had been good (or she thought) but she’d also been the one to kiss him. To make everything even more messy and complicated. She was stupid but she wanted to kiss him again. Tell him that he was the one who was hard to forget. She’d tried to stop thinking about him so many times and it just wasn’t possible. Ruby didn’t know what to say and she didn’t get a chance to try to come up with something because he was kissing her again. She let her fingers curl around the back of his neck as she kissed him back. It felt like everything around them had faded and all she could focus on was him.
Charlie felt stupid. He knew this wasn’t going to last. He wanted it to, wanted her to tell him she’d changed her mind.. wanted everything to feel good again but he didn’t think it was possible. He’d gladly have gone back but he just didn’t think Ruby would, despite what she’d said tonight. Despite the fact she missed him, despite the kissing. That would be too good to be true. It would be more than he deserved. This was already more than he deserved. So it wouldn’t happen and he knew that he should stop kissing her now because the more he kissed her and the more he held onto her.. the worse it was going to feel tomorrow when he woke up. If he ever actually got to sleep. He couldn’t see himself managing to quiet his mind down or drift off after this. Work tomorrow was going to be hell. Though, sadly, it was always hell. Not that he wanted to think about work because it would only make him feel worse. Besides, Ruby’s mouth was always distracting. So was the hand at the back of his neck and Charlie didn’t think much about it as he pulled her a little, hoping it was obvious he wanted her on his lap because he didn’t want to have to break the kiss to say anything. Besides, if he stopped kissing her she’d probably change her mind, realise it was a bad idea, get shy and pull away. That’s what he was afraid of. The moment ending.. feeling an empty space again. His fingers knotted in her hair but he was mindful about it, careful because he didn’t want to hurt her head anymore. At least she seemed better and the pills had kicked in but he was still a little curious to know what she’d been thinking. Going there like that. Especially after how she must have felt last time. She’d turned to kissing him then too, not that he’d known what was bothering her at the time. Everything felt so confusing and complicated and Charlie knew it was probably better to ask her rather than let all the questions build up in his head or jump to conclusions.. but it was hard.
He was scared of any answers she’d give him. He was scared she’d come to her senses and walk out again. Charlie always hated Ruby walking away, hated goodbye, especially when it felt final, like the very last time. It would feel that way right? It had felt that way eight days ago and here they were but still. He didn’t want to go through it again but he supposed he’d set himself up for a fall by kissing her. Technically Ruby had kissed him but Charlie hadn’t exactly stopped it, he’d been thinking about it before anyway, had wanted to.. and something told him he might have ended up doing it if she hadn’t. Didn’t he always? Charlie was an idiot, he was weak when it came to Ruby and he wished he wasn’t. Well.. he usually didn’t mind Ruby being his weakness but it was painful right now. He kept remembering the way he’d acted, treated her, made her cry.. his lame attempts at an apology, his drinking. It was his fault they were here and he couldn’t stand that. He’d received a message from -A ages ago telling him he’d screw it up without them even getting involved.. they were right. They were always so wrong when it came to Ruby but always managed to hit the mark with him. Charlie focused on Ruby, aware he was kissing her a little intensely and suddenly realised he shouldn’t be. But he didn’t want to stop and.. ugh. This was all so unfair. When he finally broke the kiss again, he sighed, glancing down before frowning slightly at her necklace. The one he’d given her.. she was still wearing it? Wasn’t it just a reminder? He remembered almost demanding it back when he’d asked for the key to the flat and.. he hated himself for all of it. Charlie brushed his finger over the pendant and then turned his gaze to her face. “I think…” He started but stopped because he didn’t really know what he was thinking. His head was a mess. “Won’t this just.. make it feel worse?”